How to be better at receiving Feedback
Need to learn vs Need to be accepted, types of feedback, triggers
Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, Harvard Law professors have a book on receiving feedback1. Heen has a 20-minute TEDX talk where she talks about the key takeaways. My takeaways are below.
Why should we welcome Feedback?
People who seek out feedback do better - personally and professionally.
Why is receiving Feedback tough?
Feedback lives at the intercept of two opposing human needs2.
Need to learn and grow
Need to be accepted and respected
So, while you appreciate the feedback on your writing, you do not receive it well because your need to be accepted as a good writer trumps your need to become a good writer!3
Three types of feedback
There are 3 types of feedback. Keeping them separate helps if you are giving or asking for feedback.
Appreciation - motivating
Coaching - helps increase knowledge and skill
Evaluation - where you stand like performance reviews
Three triggers
3 types of triggers cause us to react badly to feedback.
Truth
Relationship
Identity
How to ask for feedback
Don’t - Do you have any feedback regarding my presentation?
Do - What is one thing you saw me doing or failing to do to deliver a great presentation? Asking for 1 thing makes it easy for the giver.
The book cover has some fun/creative feedback. And there are some good examples in the book.
Found the idea of this tension insightful
I am not talking about me, obviously!